Happy vacation trips! And also by “happy” i am talking about, circumstances positive experience actually bad immediately?? And most folks have likely got our very own holiday plans changed again?? But luckily for us all of our gift for you is actually a virtual one AKA the long-awaited mailbag occurrence!
We have into hard feelings encompassing non-monogamy, fictional figures we would wish on the pod, and a whole lot. Thank you so much to any or all which submitted concerns!
PROGRAM NOTES
+ Here are the lip recs from Christina!
Very nearly Lipstick from Clinique
and
Powder-puff Lippie from NYX
.
+ in the event it feels very good,
get it done
.
+ It’s not possible to view Barbara Hammer what the health movie online however, if you’re in Los Angeles you can see Nitrate Kisses in theatres the following month
free-of-charge
.
+
Scissoring merch
! get the scissoring merch!
+ An essay on
Paul requires the type of a Mortal woman
and
my own model of sluttiness
.
+ Ro’s
piece on dental care dams.
+
The Novice
is going now! view it!
Drew:
I Became conversing with my dad of all individualsâ
Christina:
Bringing dads into this room!
Drew:
I understand â about getting pleased. And dad was like, “Oh, really, do you really believe it is because here is the basic union that you’ve obtained into as yourself?
Christina:
To begin with, father, which is thus sweet!
Drew:
I understand! Really nice father comment.
Christina:
Go off, king!
Drew:
And that I was like â extremely amusing to help you phone dad master.
Theme track performs
Drew:
Hi, I Am Drew!
Christina:
And I’m Christina! And this is a podcast that we forgot the intro to currently.
Drew:
Which is fine! This has been a bit.
Christina:
Woohoo, this has.
Drew:
This can be
Wait, So Is This a Date?
Christina:
Yes, that podcast.
Drew:
We’ll do your part. Welcome to
Hold off, Is This a romantic date?
An Autostraddle podcast all about intercourse and online dating as queer individuals with queer individuals, ideally. How, just how was we undertaking?
Christina:
No, In my opinion you are crushing it. I do believe what’s truly interesting about any of it event is this is the mailbag occurrence where we’re going to be getting questions from you, all of our audience. A number of you submitted voice memos and email messages, and we also have the material in addition to questions and ideally the answers, but like, we, I am not going to state any such thing too insane. Really don’t wanna get also outlandish, you understand?
Drew:
Yeah. We’re questioning with you. Should we â I mean, this probably is not some people’s very first episode, however in situation folks skipped us, you understand, launching our selves, maybe that’s another person’s favorite an element of the podcast. Thus I think we must present our selves.
Christina:
Yeah, definitely.
Drew:
Okay, cool. We’ll get initial. My name is Drew Gregory. I’m an author and a filmmaker and a queer individual. I still determine as a lesbian, but i have been making use of that term much less, that is possibly something that I’m able to unpack on the next event. I however am a lesbian, but I also have always been want, precisely what does that also suggest? You are aware? I’m not sure. Brands tend to be funny, but I’m rather positive that i am an author. I am very positive that I’m a filmmaker. Uh, think about you?
Christina:
Yeah. Uh, i will be Christina Tucker, an author at Autostraddle also. I’m also a queer individual. We began in fact using “queer” even more when I initially arrived on the scene and today i take advantage of lesbian possibly just as. I’m also very, I just kind of use whatever term seems appropriate, appearing out of my throat inside the minute. And I never really think about any of it so much more than that. But that’s a journey we’re all on, honestly.
Drew:
I help that. I actually do think that sums upwards whom our company is, that i am love, “i will have to revisit this down the road.” And you are want, “i recently kind of do the things I think plus don’t must imagine more and more it.”
Christina:
I rather practically choose the term that really works perfect for the little bit, soâ¦
Drew:
Well, yeah. So as you stated, this is exactly the mailbag occurrence. Should we just go into the first â oh, In addition should say before we start that in the event that you sent united states a concern and we also do not get to it, it will be because there happened to be specific factors which were like, oh, i do want to unpack this on the next full occurrence, possibly with a particular guest that would become more, you are sure that, perhaps much more competent to resolve it. So we really appreciate the questionsâ
Christina:
You guys sent many questions, that was cool, but we possibly may n’t have time to reach every single one of these.
Drew:
Yeah. Nonetheless happened to be all browse.
Christina:
In addition to some people only sent all of us compliments without questions.
Drew:
And, you are aware, normally with â if this ended up being a Q&A before or after a movie, it’d wind up as, you shouldn’t praise the individual. There is a complete market here, but for this, the actual only real audience ended up being Christina and I also and Lauren. Therefore really, comments, great. Thank you such. Actually, excellent.
Christina:
Exciting for, undoubtedly among my personal primary food teams.
Drew:
Therefore yeah, let’s focus on one question. For the sound memo, anyone says that they’re semi-closeted, therefore we’re gonna leave out brands only to end up being safe here. And let us hear this question.
Anonymous Asker:
So this is via a person who doesn’t have experience with internet dating at all, largely because i am semi-closeted and residing out in the mostly conservative boonies. While I graduate highschool, I’m leaving this one so I might have a taste of freedom. And I’m realizing that I’m going to be going into the queer relationship world. This really is a really common question, but how do I ask a woman out the very first time without dropping into the full on panic and anxiety attack? As you can tell, i am terrible at talking-to folks.
Drew:
This might be an age old, age old concern. Really.
Christina:
It’s. I genuinely believe that it is why we have a podcast.
Drew:
Yeah. I mean, I feel like we kind of know where i will opt for this, and that’s like, it’s about recognizing that no-one’s proficient at this? After all, maybe people fundamentally get good at it since you exercise adequate and you also type of squander the â what exactly is it â the coverage therapy or whatever â but like, really those types of circumstances in which you simply do it and it also becomes much easier. And personally, even before we arrived â I mean, to clarify, I happened to be inquiring ladies out before I arrived as a result of the entire becoming a trans person thing. As soon as I think towards early days of while I remaining my personal bad small town and moved off to university and was actually asking men and women away, I really took a really drive strategy and extremely was actually want, “Hello, do you want to go on a night out together?” And I think over the years, I relocated from the that a little bit. But I truly still, we nonetheless believe sometimes it’s great just to end up being immediate and inquire somebody out, and also you get an obvious solution. I mean, you might also carry out the thing in which you only start vague and inquire anyone to hang out and you just, you know, play a,
Wait, Is This a night out together
video game for awhile.
Christina:
Appropriate. Fingers entered, I hope that message comes across. I also believe in a situation, like for my situation, once I started dating, as I had been queer relationship, I found myself away from university, way-out of my home town, but I was performing many matchmaking via apps and therefore really does lower the awkwardness because it’s like, everyone knows everything we’re here for. Even though I think you’ll find demonstrably negatives to your dating application, much like anything else in daily life, I do think form of removing that shield of like, oh no, exactly how embarrassing so is this gonna be? Like, would it be gonna be like, no, it’s, that is what this is exactly for all the program for which you came to. Immediately after which once you, when you improve hangout ask, it will necessarily know its a date because that’s the reason we’re all here. Vibing.
Drew:
That is an excellent point.
Christina:
I am talking about, I do keep in mind that its â that way feeling of want, “Oh no, it is will be therefore uncomfortable because I’m so embarrassing.” But genuinely the occasions You will find experienced awesome shameful, honestly, many people are similar to, that was charming. So don’t believe about your awkwardness just in love, it is awkward and every person detests me. People may be like, that is awkward, but it is particular sweet. And I perform want to carry on a date along with you. Two things are correct. I believe that is stunning.
Drew:
Best shown. Yeah. Yeah. I think we this idea that in the event that you ask some body aside, you ought to be like significant leading power Shane-style, and it is like, no, you can ask some body away as an embarrassing person, and that is another type of make of hot, but it is however, it’s still among the companies.
Christina:
There are many labels of hot.
Drew:
Yeah.
Christina:
Wow. That’s actually gorgeous.
Drew:
Great. Really, let’s proceed to next question that will be coming from Claire from Australian Continent.
Claire:
Hey, I’ve loved experiencing you guys from here in Queensland, Australia, along with a concern for each people really. Christina, what exactly is this non-transferable lip lining that you wear on a first day, and where should I buy it? And Drew, yours is a bit more challenging. How can you know when you should hear the tough emotions that come upwards during a non-monogamous scenario so when to function through all of them?
Christina:
Wow. Everyone loves that I have a lip therefore get hard feelings. I think that is an extremely gorgeous. I will get very first and give you some time to give some thought to the tough emotions. So there’s a few variations of a non-transferable lip. Whenever I was at my youthfulness back the outdated mid-aughts, whenever individuals were merely dependent on wearing a matte lipstick, i did so many, like, Stila mattes are pretty non-transferable. But here’s finished . i am growing old. My skin is getting drier. I cannot be wearing a matte lip like this and not having a dried on lip time. So now we’ve relocated into a stain, which can be truly cook’s hug. Result in it may get a little requirement, but no body truly notices, nevertheless look wonderful. Currently a large lover of Clinique. Their own black honey is an amazing any and also the Knicks lippie powder-puff, a lot of hues, fades wonderfully. A fantastic lip stain. Get out while making on your times with fantastic lip area. Which is all i’d like for all of us truly. Today, Drew, speak with myself about hard thoughts.
Drew:
Tricky feelings in non-monogamous relationships. Wow. Yeah. So an enjoyable thing that occurred from inside the hiatus we’ve had up to now usually I have a girlfriend now.
Christina:
She’s amazing!
Drew:
Yeah. I am really, truly happy. I will be merely, I believe like each and every day type of discovering brand new meanings of what interactions and really love and intercourse is generally, and then have not already been anywhere near this much of an intimate since I was a student in senior school and it also ended up being all theoretical. Very, I’m delighted, like to discuss that. I’m love, okay. But also what are the results when you’re, you are sure that, in a relationship you value as opposed to, you are sure that, simply having hookups and fillings and stuff, is you are also examining in more with your own personal limits and your lover’s limits so far as everything mention. And appearance, all this maybe stuff that I didn’t show. And I simply went into the question and was vague, but this is exactly my personal form of getting available when you’re like, detailing like specific the explanation why i may end up being obscure about podcast moving forward, because i actually do imagine actually it’s important inside our parasocial connections we’ve with folks which write or those who have podcasts that like, I’m not sure, to fairly share this stuff, to fairly share like the way I determine my borders, specifically as a person that produces and discusses intercourse very graphically. Anyways, so all that as a preamble to the questionâ
Christina:
Context is king. That’s what we’re usually stating.
Drew:
Which is to state that like, i am talking about, in a manner, like I’m, I’m within my first relationship, like as a person that’s open about getting non-monogamous and navigating that and et cetera. And I think simply speaking typically, like every connection is actually its conversation. And with the people who are for the reason that commitment, everyone else brings priorities and delivers items that are just like beliefs in to the connection, in addition to, can make compromises features conversations and â or does not, and that’s yours type of that. Right? I really think its kind of an annoying solution, but it’s type of like, you have to both talk with yourself and talk with your partner or lovers, and determine sort of, you realize, understanding essential for you, you are sure that, in case you are a person that’s monogamous while begin internet dating a person that’s non-monogamous, is the fact that anything you can acquire used to? Is there specific things which make you comfy? Can it be more content for you when your spouse hooks up with some body which you all learn and it is relaxed and it is any, or do you ever, is-it more comfortable if they have some other connections, but they’re not around you whatsoever? Or as with any these â absolutely so many approaches to have non-monogamous relationships. And I also do not know in case you are asking this through the perspective of someone who is very no-cost in non-monogamy and is probably online dating somebody who isn’t really, or vice versa. But i believe that is frequently a â I won’t even state a conflict, it’s simply a part of being non-monogamous, i do believe, is the majority of people have actually different relationships to non-monogamy.
Christina:
Yeah.
Drew:
For me personally, i possibly could date someone that had several associates. But typically with non-monogamy, my perfect is to go out somebody in which i am their unique spouse, immediately after which we’re not monogamous. If I happened to be currently someone, and that’sn’t the current scenario that i am in, where I became dating a person who desired to have several associates, I would personally have to be like, okay, preciselywhat are my emotions about any of it person? Preciselywhat are my feelings about precisely how this person interacts? Would i believe that that would be something can work in my situation? And figure that out. And therefore you will find relationship characteristics i possibly could be in where i am on a single end and in which I’m on the other side end. And that I believe that merely proves that like, it’s simply when it comes to determining when the individual you are matchmaking â one, in the event the thoughts for them are sufficiently strong that it’s beneficial, and if you’re suitable enough inside desires that it can operate, because sometimes you probably like some one and so they enjoy you, or you really love some one and additionally they really like you, also it just does not work properly
Christina:
I would like audience to understand that for this reason I have six-minute voice memos from Drew. Though in fairness, she’s maybe not sent myself a six-minute voice memo in a really long time.
Drew:
This has been a number of years.
Christina:
But that is often the energy. And I do feel i recently spoke one into existence. I can’t wait for the next day or two.
Drew:
You think it’s because I’m in a relationship?
Christina:
I know that it’s.
Drew:
I am feeling vulnerable about that today. Yeah. I am just similar, have always been we a poor buddy now that i am in a relationship?
Christina:
I do believe it really is fine and delightful and great and great. And that I’m not quite clamoring to receive even more six-minute sound memos.
Drew:
I’m going to give you a six-minute sound memo about my commitment. Would that be enjoyable? Would that be a great thing for you to have?
Christina:
I mean, yes, needless to say it might. You’re my good friend.
Drew:
Thanks a lot. Okay. Shifting.
Christina:
Moving forward.
Drew:
Why don’t we see. This vocals memo is from Julia.
Julia:
Hey Drew. Hey Christina. Here’s my personal question for y’all. Should you decide may have any fictional queer figure throughout the pod, who does it is and just what dating subject would you go over? Many thanks for getting these Qs! Bye!
Christina:
This is certainly such an enjoyable concern.
Drew:
This is outstanding concern. My personal â seriously, rather than to get incredibly Autostraddle about any of it, but my personal gut impulse had been like, i’d like one minute season which a rest down with every main personality of
The L Word.
And just are want, “what is actually wrong along with you?”
Drew:
Yeah. Okay. Thus I’ve been producing a concerted work both in my personal brain and my personal authorship, to generally share
The L Term
much less, because I’m like, there is a great deal other things around and like, it really is enjoyable we have actually this usual vocabulary, {but also|but additionally|